Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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