im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
