Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
