Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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