Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
