apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
