Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
