'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
