I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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