When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
