So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize