I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
