If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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