She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
