you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize