I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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