I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
