we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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