I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
