Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
50% drunk capacity currently
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Randomize