I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
