I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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