I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
