Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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