A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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