Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
