You're a womanizer and a bitch.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Randomize
