i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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