So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize