Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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