If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
