I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
