mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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