ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
