I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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