i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
it was like eating out sand paper
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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