woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
