So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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