Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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