I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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