life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
