im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Someone came in the potted fern
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
