do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize