the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
