Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize