chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
