It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize