New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
