i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
