she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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