Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
