PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
