I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
