if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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