U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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