The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
