I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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