I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
My pussy is not your playground.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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