I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
