you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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