I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
