I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
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