So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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