God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
