Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
