Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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