Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
