I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
