Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
We named our party play list daddy issues
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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